The Cycles (Part Nine)

Picture 10

The Last Post of the Nine Part Series


The following are additional scenarios showing the “Rest Cycle” in action.

Mary struggles with relationships. She often finds herself dating men who put her down and treat her like a tramp. Her children and friends do not like the men she dates nor do they want them to attend any family events. Mary struggles to end her relationship with a man for fear of being alone.

Here is the reaction when performance-based thinking guides Mary’s behavior:

The Problem

Someone is always mad at Mary. Her friends and family complain she does not have enough time with them. Her boyfriend also complains she does not spend enough time with him.

The Emotion

Mary fears she will have to choose between her family, friends, and her boyfriend.

The Shaming Message

It is my job to make everyone in my life happy, no matter what it takes.

The Shaming Conclusion

I am so tired, but I must become better at making everyone around me happy and content with me.

Here is the response when God-based thinking guides Mary’s behavior:

God As The Source

God is my source in the midst of all my relationships.

God’s New Message

God is my ultimate relationship, and with Him there are no strings attached. I am safe with Him even if I don’t have a boyfriend. God says I am full of His Spirit and capable of good and healthy relationships.

The Consistent Behavior

I can enjoy positive male relationships. I do not have to settle for men who treat me poorly. I can also enjoy relationship with my friends and family. I do not have to keep trying to make everyone happy.


When Susan was a young woman, her friend’s father abused her for four years. As an adult, she struggles to be emotionally and sexually intimate with her husband.

Here is the reaction when performance-based thinking guides Susan’s behavior:

The Problem

Susan struggles to be intimate with her husband and often tries to avoid any overtures of intimacy.

The Emotion

Susan becomes frightened as her husband has sex with her and often feels as if her abuser is raping her again.

The Shaming Message

If I were a better wife, I would not have this reaction. I should get over this and enjoy my husband.

The Shaming Conclusion

I am defective. Something is wrong with me. Our relationship will never get better.

Here is the response when God-based thinking guides Susan’s behavior:

God As The Source

I am loved and created by God. He is my source. God takes good care of my emotions and me.

God’s New Message

God says I am His. I am loved and fully accepted into His heart. I am safe with Him. He will help me feel safe with my husband.

The Consistent Behavior

I can enjoy intimacy with my husband. God has redeemed my past and will support my desire to have an intimate relationship with my husband. I no longer have to “give up”; God’s love for me is enough.


God loves for us to step into Him. As we do, He will provide a way of escape from the arduous lies of the enemy. I have seen the results from the Rest cycle in my own personal life and in the lives of countless others. I believe God has given this tool as a means of escape from the demanding lies of the Give-Up and Try-Hard cycles. Paul articulates this kingdom reality in First Corinthians 10:13:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV).

The way out of the Give-Up and Try-Hard cycles is the Rest cycle. Through the Rest cycle, you will discover the bridal paradigm reality and His eternal message that you are His and God is your source. Ask Him to help you process through this cycle and watch Him move your emotions, will, and mind into behaviors that are consistent with who you really are!

I remind you, God has not abandoned you to figure out how to heal yourself. God has given us His rest, His rest of no more performance and no more measuring up. His way of escape will produce consistent behaviors with who you are.

This powerful truth will bring you closer to Him and remembering this truth is, “living lighter today”.


This concludes “The Cycles” blog posts. I trust this has helped you? I would enjoy hearing from you, so please leave your comments and thoughts as to how this may have helped you.


About Ken Winton

Ken Winton is a transparent conversationalist; his inspiring teachings have motivated companies of people around the world into living their lives lighter. Ken is edgy, relatable, some times a goof, but always influential. Ken is an international speaker, author, musician and hosts his own radio show, podcasts and blogs and most of all, loves to go on walks with his wife Becky. When Ken is not on the road he frequents his favorite coffeehouse to sip on a cup of caffeine and chat with the locals. Ken resides in Chico California with his wife, three kids, two daughter-in-laws, one son-in-law and a whole mob of five glorious grand-kids. And, by the way each grandchild is his favorite.
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5 Responses to The Cycles (Part Nine)

  1. jennyjos37 says:

    With God ALL things are possible!

    • Ken Winton says:

      Yes, with ALL things! This is why His name is Jehovah Rapha (The God who Heals) He is a perfect and complete healer, not only physical healing but emotional healing as well!

  2. Pingback: The Cycles (Part Nine) | REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE | Homestead Ministries

  3. jennyjos37 says:

    You know, one thing that I received while reading this and the 20×3- challenge is this: the difference when I think of who I am in Christ, compared to, who I am to Christ. Thank you!

  4. Ken Winton says:

    WOW, that’s revelation!

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